Bumpy Road

Well DH rang the 'school of choice' yesterday - we are anxious to hear how the enrolment process is going. After speaking with the principal he wasn't especially reassured - we have arranged a meeting with her and the CEO support person - to discuss 'how to go forward' and what is in Han's 'best interests' - so any ideas - welcome! DH is getting pretty antsy - as he says - we rarely have a conversation where we come away feeling positive about things - so why are we persevering?

I don't know. Anyways I was feeling upset and had a bit of a cry and a rail against the unfairness of it all (funny how I just want to go and grab hannah and cuddle her to me forever away from prying judgemental eyes when that happens!) and then I picked myself up and went to collect the twins from LDC. There I am told that the principal is coming to look at Hannah next week - WTF?? So I must admit I gave it both barrels for a bit - I feel like I have been handing over Han for them to 'assess' like a bug under the microscope - I only do this in her best interests cos I understand she has additional needs and that she is an individual so I am glad they are looking at her specific issues and not just saying - Oh she has DS - they are 'dear little people'- but I thought that Han could make them see things more positively - that by observing her they might see what we see - Hannah's amazing resilience, her determination, her potential - and the reason why we want her in a mainstream class. I am not sure that is what is happening though - it feels as if she is a bug under the microscope and the face peering at her is scrunched up in distaste, fear and apprehension. I hate that that is what I have done to Hannah - that I have put her in that situation. She deserves so much more.

So where are we now on the bumpy road to school ... just bumping along through the long, stormy night I feel, wondering if we'll ever get there.

I did start to feel a bit better after the LDC staff told me that the principal is also coming on another day to look at some other kids - perhaps I need to be less paranoid, but then what about all the families that have already got their letter of acceptance - we haven't - so it isn't really a matter of our choice - it still lies with them. If they said 'yes' the brats are accepted for enrolment and then outlined how they saw their program catering for Hannah's special needs - then DH and I could consider the 'way forward' and 'Hannah's best interests' but as it stands - that still rests with the 'school of choice' no matter what they say.